Chapter 14
Three months had passed and finally the snow was beginning to clear. It should’ve been a happy time of year, as it had been when she was human, but for vampires the spring meant shortening nights and more dangerous days.
Scarlet scanned the forest with empty eyes, emotionless in her task as she watched for any sign of unusual activity amongst the trees. An owl hooted in the distance. She sighed.
In the courtyard below, the twenty-first company was gathered. The noise they made drifted up to her but she paid it no heed. She didn’t care that they were leaving tonight. She was glad of it in her heart. She was glad to see the back of Captain Daliel and his men.
Since Corazon had died, Daliel had become more attentive, but at every turn, Troy was there to protect her. He had remained close to her throughout the months, but she had been drifting away from him.
She had been drifting away from everyone.
She no longer spoke to Aradne or Milton.
She no longer spoke to anyone.
It had been three weeks since she uttered her last words to Troy.
Scarlet leaned against her bow and stared at the distant mountains near the second garrison.
The moon sparkled above her, catching the melting snow and making it glitter on the trees and the paths leading out from the fort.
It didn’t affect her as it used to.
She didn’t see the beauty anymore.
She only saw a grey world, monochrome and monotonous.
There was no magic here.
All the magic was gone from the world.
It had left with Corazon and her heart.
“Corporal Scarlet?” a hushed voice disturbed her thoughts and she turned to look at Corporal Miranda.
Daliel was right. She was insipid and weak. She didn’t have a backbone or the stomach for fighting. The wind had tousled her lank hair and her uniform was too big for her. She didn’t deserve to wear the same garb as herself. She wasn’t a good soldier.
Scarlet said nothing, merely regarded her a moment longer and then turned away to stare at the mountains again.
The snow still clung to their peaks and stars shone above them, a brilliant shining arch that swept across the sky towards her, as though it was trying to connect the earth to the heavens.
She wished it could connect her to hell and Corazon.
“First Lieutenant Troy has requested your presence at a meeting. He told me to say that you’re to attend this time.”
Miranda looked startled when Scarlet turned on a pinpoint to face her, a frown etched on her brows.
She watched Miranda go and then sighed when she was finally alone.
Her eyes scanned the men in the courtyard below and singled Troy out. He was talking to Daliel, but when her eyes fell on him, he looked up at her. Miranda approached him and said something. Troy nodded, never taking his eyes off herself.
She sighed again.
She knew that look and the words he would say to her if he were standing before her.
They would be the same words he said each time he saw her.
The only words.
She had to start living again. His patience was wearing thin and he wasn’t going to tolerate her behaviour much longer.
Troy was right.
All sense of duty had been long lost within her. She manned the East Wall each night regardless of where she’d been posted. Everyone was talking about her.
Even Daliel had begun to distance himself from her after a short while.
The only one who had remained was Troy.
Even when she told him to leave her alone.
She had to be here.
She couldn’t stop herself from watching each night, from searching the track for a sign of Corazon returning to her. She wouldn’t accept that he was gone, even when she had been mourning him these long months.
Walking quietly down the steps, she ignored Daliel’s parting words to her as she passed and went straight to Corazon’s quarters.
She had slept there more than once since he had disappeared. The first week she couldn’t bring herself to leave it, and couldn’t bring herself to eat. It was only when she’d passed out from hunger twice that she had started eating again. It was better to eat than to wake in sick bay with an angry looking Troy standing over her.
People spoke about her less if she faded into the background too.
She’d overheard them sometimes, talking of her and Corazon. They said that she’d gone crazy.
Troy had punished several members of seventh company for saying such things.
She didn’t know why, but she had a suspicion that his feelings for her were altering. She got the feeling he wasn’t protecting her for Corazon’s sake now.
The door opened and Corporal Miranda and Second Lieutenant Stanislav walked in.
Troy followed them.
She gave him a look, a mixture of anger and despair. She wanted this over with. She needed to get back to the wall to watch for Corazon.
“The snow is clearing,” he said and sat in Corazon’s seat. It seemed strange to see him there and for a flicker of a moment, she saw Corazon instead, sitting with his long legs resting on the table and crossed at the ankles. “The twenty-first company have finally departed and the time has come to continue the attack plan that Captain Corazon left us with.”
Scarlet flinched at the mention of Corazon and Troy’s look softened for a split second.
“We will send a scouting party to the village again. In two nights, all present here will go to the village. We will observe the humans and see if anything has changed from last scouting mission.”
She dropped her gaze to the floor beneath her feet. The last scouting mission. Her hand came up and pressed against her shoulder as she remembered the wounds she’d received during the attack on her and Corazon. Her eyes closed as she remembered the tender way he had cleaned those words, sealing them with gentle sweeps of his tongue and making her burn for him.
“Corporal Scarlet?” Troy said and her head jerked up, quick enough to cause the tears in her eyes to fall onto her cheeks. “If you are not strong enough—”
“I’m strong enough,” she interjected.
He smiled.
She knew why.
It was because she had spoken.
“Let me go on this mission. Let me complete what we started that night,” she continued, feeling almost as desperate as she had the night that Corazon had told her she would be excluded from the mission because he feared her getting hurt and making him lose control. There was no fear of that now. Corazon was gone. “I have to do this.”
Troy nodded, understanding in his eyes.
“If you change your mind, I can place Lance Corporal Milton in your place.”
She wouldn’t change her mind. She knew that Milton would love a chance like this to prove himself and gain another rank, but she had to do this. This was the mission she should have been on with Corazon, the one he’d tried to exclude her from and then relented. She had to be a part of it now.
“Second Lieutenant Stanislav, you will group with Corporal Miranda,” Troy said and then looked from Stanislav to her. “Corporal Scarlet will be with me.”
He gave her an odd look, as though he was studying her reaction and worried about something. He was a poor substitute for her captain, and she would have rather been at his side during the mission, but Troy was strong and capable. She would be safe with him. He had kept her safe from Daliel these past months, always there whenever he tried anything.
“Dismissed,” Troy said and dropped his gaze to the papers on the desk in front of him.
She supposed it was his desk now. Although they hadn’t formally replaced Corazon, she knew that Troy was destined for that position. She didn’t know what she would do the day that Troy made captain. It would be painful, a terrible reminder that Corazon was gone.
Not that she needed one.
She felt his loss every day and lived with his shadow.
Troy was that shadow.
Something about him reminded her too painfully of Corazon. His air and sense of duty, the sharp look in his eyes sometimes, and the way he protected her now. She wished he hadn’t become Corazon’s ghost. She wished that he had continued to be as distant and spiteful as he had always been around her.
“Is there something you wanted, Corporal Scarlet?” Troy looked up at her.
She was alone with him now. Miranda and Stanislav had left the moment Troy had dismissed them.
“I know I have tried your patience since... that night... and that I’ve given you more reason than necessary for you to dismiss me... I wanted to thank you for retaining me as a corporal in this company... your company.” A tightness in her throat choked her as she said those last two words.
Troy stood and, for a moment, she wondered what he had intended to do. He remained rooted to the spot, staring right into her eyes with ones that only confused her. She couldn’t read them at all. They were soft, concerned almost, but something else laced their look. Something she would never consider.
She stepped back, showing him that she wasn’t going to go to him, that she wasn’t here to get comfort from him.
“This will never be my company, Scarlet.” His voice was a hoarse whisper, too light and full of emotion for her liking.
Something inside her rebelled and told her to correct him. She was Corporal Scarlet to him. He didn’t get to call her Scarlet, and he certainly didn’t get to say it in the way he had.
“I won’t let this affect me anymore. I will be a good soldier again.” She took another step backwards towards the door.
“I have never doubted your ability as a soldier.”
She wanted to laugh in his face at that. She knew the things he’d said about her abilities to Captain Corazon. She wasn’t stupid.
“Thank you, Lieutenant Troy,” she said and turned and walked out of the door.
She didn’t close it and she didn’t look back. She could feel Troy watching her as she walked towards the assembly hall. As grateful as she was for his protection and the way he had helped her in the first few weeks without Corazon, she could never fall for him. She loved Corazon.
The assembly room quietened as she opened the door and went in. A split second later, the ruckus started again. She searched out a table in a quieter part of the building. There was one at the back in the corner that was surrounded by empty tables. She headed towards it, stopping only to get some blood.
She could watch the whole room from here. Perhaps it would keep her mind off Corazon.
Idly sipping her cup of blood, she thought about the upcoming mission. With the shorter nights and lack of snow, it was dangerous to go to the humans’ village for a scouting mission. The animals would be stirring from their winter slumber and the humans would have more hunters out. Not only that, but the forest floor would be bare of snow and would make it harder for them to move around undetected.
She stared into the dark liquid in her mug. It had been a few weeks since the last hunt and the blood was beginning to turn. They would need to send another party out to kill some of the humans. Perhaps they could do that when they scouted the village. It had been a long time since she had been out on the hunt.
It had been a long time since she had been outside the fort.
Since her last mission with Corazon in fact.
She leaned her elbow on the table and propped her chin up on her upturned palm.
It seemed like years since that night.
So much had happened.
The humans had attacked them no less than seventeen times over the course of the past few months. They had even dared to attack for three nights in a row just over six weeks ago. Even though they’d taken heavy losses, they’d still kept coming back.
Her side had fared better. For every four dead humans, they had lost one vampire. Most of them were privates, new recruits that hadn’t been subjected to the poison and had no immunity.
She’d fought each battle, looking for death and hoping her prayers would be answered this time.
She wanted to see Corazon again.
“Scarlet?” a tentative voice drew her attention.
Scarlet looked at Aradne. She hadn’t seen Aradne look so scared in a long time. Her dark hair was falling down across her face in tangled threads and her skin was milk white in the candlelight. It made her eyes look like black pools.
“What’s the matter?” she said out of instinct.
Aradne’s face brightened. “Nothing, I was just worried I’d be disturbing you. You’ve been... well... you know.”
She did know. She hadn’t spoken to anyone for longer than she could remember. She knew that it had hurt Aradne when she’d turned her back on her.
“You want to sit?” she said, trying to repair the breach between them. They had been friends once. Not as close as she might have liked, but close enough. In fact, Aradne and Milton had been her only friends beside Corazon. But she had turned away from them, shunning their comfort when she should have accepted it.
Aradne nodded and took the seat on the opposite side of the table.
“I hear you’re going on a mission,” Aradane said.
“We’re scouting the human village for a possible attack. Lieutenant Troy has selected myself, Corporal Miranda and Second Lieutenant Stanislav for the mission.” She looked over Aradne’s shoulder at Milton as he walked in through the heavy twin doors. “He mentioned replacing me with Milton, but I told him I was strong enough to do this.”
Aradne looked over her shoulder too. Milton waved in their direction, a broad grin on his face.
“He’s been so happy since he made lance corporal.” Aradne smiled too.
It made Scarlet ache to see it.
She wished that were Corazon waving and smiling as he walked towards them.
When Aradne looked back at her, she quickly covered her sadness and forced a smile.
“Does it speak?” Milton said, his grin still plastered on his face. He slid into the seat next to Aradne and put his arm around her.
“It does,” Scarlet said and then sipped her blood.
“It doesn’t say much though,” Milton countered and then held his hand up when she shot him a glare.
“I could have you put in a cell for that.” She frowned and then relaxed into her chair as Milton looked mortified.
“You wouldn’t,” he said and then his eyes widened further. “You would.”
She sat in silence for a moment, feeling awkward and wondering whether she should say something to lift the heavy atmosphere her comment had brought.
Milton stretched and then slumped further into his chair before sitting bolt upright and slamming his fist down onto the table.
“I hear seventh company is going to lead an attack on the humans,” he said with glee.
She raised a brow. “Word travels fast. But we’re not definitely attacking them. I’m scouting it with Lieutenant Troy in two days time.”
Milton’s brows rose this time and he glanced at Aradne and then back at her. Aradne shook her head at him and Scarlet frowned, wondering what she was trying to stop Milton from saying.
“You’ve certainly been spending a lot of time with Lieutenant Troy.”
It hit her with more force than if the East Wall had fallen on her head.
Scarlet stood sharply, sending her chair flying backwards, and fixed him with a dark look before storming out of the hall. Whispered comments followed her progress and she decided to give them all something to really talk about. She slammed the doors hard enough to make them rattle on their hinges and the sound echo around the distant hills.
She was halfway across the courtyard towards the wall when Aradne caught her arm.
“We’re sorry!” Aradne said, out of breath. Scarlet could feel her hand trembling where it held her. She was scared. “He didn’t mean it.”
“He did mean it,” Scarlet said, keeping her face forwards and refusing to look at Aradne. “Is this what everyone thinks? Do they all believe that Troy is taking Corazon’s place in my heart?”
She heard Aradne swallow hard.
“They—”
“Don’t lie to me, Aradne,” she said, cutting her off before she had a chance. She turned to look at her, expression hard and unforgiving. “Do they honestly think I could love another when I still love Corazon?”
“They only see that Lieutenant Troy is always on the wall with you, talking or just standing close by. It was bound to start rumours. I’m sure they mean nothing by them.”
She frowned. Aradne was right. Troy’s attentiveness had been bound to lead to nasty rumours about her and him. She had told him to leave her alone so many times, but he had always refused. It was his fault that everyone now presumed that they were going to become an item, if they weren’t one already.
How could people think that she would be so fickle as to lose the man she loved and then replace him within a few months? She would never get over her loss.
“What else do they say?” Scarlet said, her hand now on Aradne’s arm to stop her from moving away. “What horrible, spiteful things is everyone saying about me? It was bad enough when they thought I was crazy! To think that I would fall for another so easily, that I would ever fall for another, is insulting beyond words.”
“They’re only rumours.”
“Rumours?” she said and tightened her grip. “Aradne... to you they’re a rumour, because you know better... or do you?”
Aradne swallowed again, a fearful look flitting across her features.
“You believe them!” She flung Aradne’s arm away from her. “I can’t believe you! You believe them! You think that me and Troy... how could you be so blind... so stupid? Do you honestly think I could love Troy? Ever? I love Corazon... I will always love Corazon... I will never love Troy!”
Aradne stared over her shoulder and cold dread filled Scarlet. She turned slowly, the chill creeping into her heart as she saw Troy standing in his doorway watching her.
She swallowed this time, desperate to clear her parched throat and get the words out.
He turned away.
“I’m...” The door slammed and she flinched from the force of it. “...sorry.”
She looked at Aradne and saw she was gone, hurrying back across the courtyard to the assembly hall.
Her gaze drifted back to Troy’s door.
How much had he heard?
What did it matter?
He had heard enough, she was sure of that.
He had heard her say that she could never love him.
Walking over to his door, she thought about knocking, but she didn’t know what she would say if he answered. His actions had confirmed his feelings for her. How could he love her after the way he used to treat her?
She stood in silence for minutes, her thoughts aimlessly wandering as she tried to get up the courage to knock. She couldn’t let this go unexplained. She had to get things out into the open with him.
The door opened without her knocking.
“Come in,” Troy said, voice void of emotion. “You’ll catch your bloody death standing out there all night.”
She stepped inside and stood near the wall, her eyes downcast as she tried to gather the last of her thoughts and get them into order.
“I guess you heard that then,” she said.
“I guess I did,” he replied and she heard him sit down. There was the squeak of cork against glass, and then the sound of liquid being poured. “Would you like a drink?”
She shook her head.
“A seat perhaps?”
She glanced at the seat and decided that it would be for the best if she took it. She moved across the room and sat down, toying with the hem of her tunic as she continued to think.
“I never asked you to love me,” he said.
She frowned at the weight of emotion behind those words.
“I knew you never could.”
Her heart clenched.
“Then why?” she whispered to her knees.
“There is no why, Scarlet. I can’t turn these feelings on and off at will. I didn’t choose to feel this way, and I knew you could never return what I felt.” He sighed and leaned back in his chair. She listened to him drinking and then heard him refill the glass.
How could he drink that stuff? Did he want to get drunk? He wasn’t on duty tonight, so she supposed it was his prerogative, and it wasn’t her place to interfere. She had never driven a man to drink before. It was a new experience and one she wasn’t particularly enjoying.
“I’m sorry,” Scarlet said and looked at him.
“Don’t be.” Troy leaned back further and swigged his drink. “I’m not half the man he was, and I know I could never replace him in your heart. I’ve never tried to and I have no intention of it happening.”
She couldn’t understand him. Was he saying that he didn’t care if she didn’t love him, if she could never love him? Was he going to continue loving her regardless?
Why did the idea of that leave her feeling intensely guilty?
“I don’t understand... you’ve never liked me.”
He looked right into her eyes. “I’ve always liked you.”
“But all those things you said to Corazon,” she said, searching his deep blue eyes and wishing they held the answers to clear her head of these colliding and confusing thoughts.
He paused and then heaved a sigh, leaning his head back so he was staring at the ceiling.
Her eyes fell to the marks on his throat.
She wished Corazon had been her sire.
To him, she would have willingly given her life. She would have asked to be turned.
“Is it wrong for a man to be jealous of another?” Troy sighed at the ceiling.
Jealous? She stared at his face, watching the emotions dancing across it as he frowned and closed his eyes tight as though he was struggling to contain his feelings.
“Captain Corazon?” she asked.
He nodded, swallowing at the same time.
“I knew the moment he rode back into the fort with you that all hope for me was lost,” he said and brought his hand up, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I hated the way you were so close to each other, and the look on your face. You were watching his hand where it rested against your stomach, keeping you steady on the saddle. When Corazon helped you down, you were staring straight into his eyes and he into yours. He looked as lost as you did, only you didn’t know him well enough to see it. I had no chance after that, but I still endeavoured to protect you in my own way.”
“By trying to get me punished?”
“No.” He shook his head and sat up, looking across the desk at her. “I wanted you discharged. I wanted to send you home to the villages... but then the villages were taken.”
She gasped, her eyes wide. “Taken? When?”
He frowned, giving her a curious look. “You didn’t know?”
It was her turn to shake her head. She didn’t know the villages were gone. Corazon had told her that they were fine. Hadn’t he known they had been taken by the humans? Or had he been lying to her?
A taste of bitterness rose into her throat at that thought but quickly disappeared again as her heart reasoned with her. The only time she had asked about the villages was when she had been having trouble sleeping. Corazon had probably said whatever it took to make her rest easy and get some sleep. She couldn’t hold that against him.
“The humans destroyed every settlement outside the walls. That’s why we’ve been putting a plan into action.”
“We’re going to destroy the humans?” she said.
“Not wholly. We will kill enough to even our numbers and show them who is the stronger species. The humans will easily agree to a truce then.”
“A truce? We’re going to strike a bargain with them?”
“Our species need them to survive. We cannot survive on animal blood.”
“We could travel into the next territory.”
“The next territory is part of our plan,” he said. “If we offer the humans protection from those vampires in exchange for offerings of blood, then we have a chance to end our war.”
She wondered how terrible the vampires of the next territory were. She knew they ruled their land with an iron fist and many humans had fled from there into this territory. Would this plan work? Could they really end the war by proving their might and forcing the humans to become allies with them?
“We would never be able to trust them,” she said.
“We would remain in the garrisons, safe from harm. Corazon’s plan—”
“Corazon?” she said with her heart in her mouth. It was his plan. It would work then. She knew that he was a great strategist. He would have thought of everything and considered all angles. “It will work, won’t it?”
Troy nodded. “All captains and the generals have approved it.”
“Then the scouting mission is the start of this plan?” she said.
He nodded again. “It is. Corazon instructed me on the mission and the attack plan before he left.”
She cast her eyes downwards as her heart clenched and her chest tightened. Troy’s chair scraped against the floor, wood on stone, and she felt him move to stand beside her. She tensed when he placed his hand against her back and then knelt down.
Her gaze shifted to him.
He smiled.
She had forgotten what they had been talking about before the discussion about the mission, but as she looked into his eyes, it all came back to her. She wanted to move away and place distance between them, but at the same time, she didn’t want to hurt him.
“The strength of your love for him honours him. Let him always be in your heart, let him always be your guide in life, and never let anyone replace him.”
Tears filled her eyes and she put her arms around Troy’s neck. He wrapped his arms around her and she closed her eyes. She couldn’t believe how understanding he was being with her. If she had been in his shoes, if she had been in love with someone who would never love her in return, she wouldn’t have been so understanding. But then, she had been. She had always loved Corazon knowing there was a chance he would never love her. Her feelings couldn’t be helped, and neither could Troy’s.
“Thank you, Troy,” she whispered into his ear and kissed his cheek. “Everything you’ve done since Corazon’s death has meant a lot to me.”
She let him go and stood without another word. She held his gaze as he knelt before her, his blue eyes full of affection. He smiled.
“I will protect you until death, Scarlet. I will love you beyond it. Have no doubt of that.”
She smiled back at him and then walked out of the door. Tears filled her eyes the moment she was alone and her sobs came fast and gasping. She tried to stifle them, frightened that someone would hear, that Troy would hear. She didn’t want him to see her cry and know it was partly because of him.
Walking to the East Wall, she mounted the steps and then went down to a quiet part of it. She stared out in the direction of the second garrison. Her heart ached. Her whole body numbed as she looked towards the place where Corazon had died.
Leaning forwards, she rested her chin on her hands where they lay flat against the thick stone in front of her.
She thought about Troy’s words, and then thought about all the times she’d shared with Corazon. She would always love him. Her time in this world now was empty and she was only biding her time for the day that would bring them back together.
She sighed and let her tears fall.
“I miss you.”
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